Thank You:
*Faith Designs
*Heartlight.org
*Diaryland

Navigate:
*Latest
*Older
*Notes
*Profile
*Rings
*Friends

Extra Stuff:
*family pics
*myspace


Okay, so I may not be the most interesting read and I may not say anything that you don't already know but this diary is mainly for myself. I enjoy sharing it with others, particularly my close friends so they know what's happening in my world, but its still mainly for me. I love to type out my thoughts. Its a great break from my otherwise hectic day. And I love reading over old entries and seeing how much life has changed. So enjoy the read but try not to be too critical.

One Step At A Time
October 24, 2006 - 10:53 a.m.

The past few weeks have not been the most enjoyable for me. As I mentioned previously, I have struggled against depression in the past couple of weeks. I have been so lonely and felt so defeated.

Yesterday, however was a different story. It helps to talk to someone when you're feeling down and I can talk to Paul more than anyone else that I know (as it should be). Saturday night, Paul and I stayed up well past 2:00 a.m. talking. Well, really, I did most of the talking (and crying and complaining and sobbing) and he listened. I was able to get out things that have been bothering me for longer than I can remember. Things about my life and the way that I've lived it. A lot of what we talked about what summarized in the last entry. I was finally able to fall asleep a little before 5:00 a.m. with a feeling like someone had taken a 50 pound weight off of my shoulder. The next day, Paul let me sleep in - LATE. And when he did wake me up, he didn't expect me to be in the best of moods. He didn't expect that because I talked the night before, that that had fixed everything and I was right as rain. That meant a lot to me. My "problems" aren't ones that can be fixed over night. And I'm thankful that Paul is willing to help me and be there with me every step of the way.

In my depression this past month (what else do I call it?) I have let the house go far more than I ever should have. The laundry seems to be piled up everywhere. I literally have nightmares about laundry piled up to the ceiling when I sleep. If you've ever been a stay-at-home mom, you can understand this. The girls' room is a mess - once again, its mainly clothes. The kitchen needs quite a bit of attentions as I'm sure the bathroom does. We haven't been able to get to the "extra" stuff, like cleaning out the fridge in the garage, because it has been all we can do to keep up with the "normal" mess. God reminded me this morning that I don't have to be changed overnight; and the house doesn't have to be cleaned in one half hour. He reminded me that I needed to take one thing at a time, one mess at a time, until I got to where I needed to be.

I know I've said it before but I am so very thankful that we serve a God who has more patience with His children that us parents could ever dream of having. I'm thankful that He is willing to help us clean up our "messes" even if its the same mess that was picked up earlier. It reminds me of the verses that state that even when we are unfaithful, God is faithful. Even when we fall a hundred times, God will pick us up again if we only ask. Paul has reminded me of this, too. "One step at a time, Kate." Take care of one thing and then go back and take care of another. Don't fret over the whole picture because it will be done in time. I worry so much about the big picture that I never get around to the little things that make up the big picture.

So with that huge bit of rambling, I must get to the small stuff. Finish loading the dishwasher. Collect all the loose articles of clothing spread out throughout the house, and then go from there.

*If you've read this entry and it makes no sense to you, I apologize. Sometimes my entries flow and sometimes, like today, they seem to have no real point, other than to ramble and babble on. Sorry*

A Heart In Turmoil - July 25, 2007
Still My Baby Girl - July 24, 2007
Aaaaggghhhh! Stessful Summer! - July 23, 2007
Jumping Through Hoops - July 20, 2007
A Vacation from Vacation - July 17, 2007

<<== || ==>>