Walk By Faith

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Okay, so I may not be the most interesting read and I may not say anything that you don't already know but this diary is mainly for myself. I enjoy sharing it with others, particularly my close friends so they know what's happening in my world, but its still mainly for me. I love to type out my thoughts. Its a great break from my otherwise hectic day. And I love reading over old entries and seeing how much life has changed. So enjoy the read but try not to be too critical.

Why is everyone sleeping but me??
October 26, 2006 - 12:21 a.m.

Ugh! Its nearly 12:30 and I'm still awake. This is getting rediculous. I have to get up stupidly early and I'm wide awake. I don't know what's wrong with me. I get tired around 6:45 p.m. but it is next to impossible (and unpractical) to get into bed when I hit my wall at that time. I have one of the dumbest internal clocks ever. If I get very sleepy and ignore it, I get this burst of energy that lasts for hours. While everyone else is snoozing away, I'm wired. Not wired enough to go driving or anything like that but wired enough that I can't sleep. This has been a problem for a long time - actually, now that I think about it, I've had this problem at least from the time I became pregnant with Haidyn. The night before I was induced (we went in at 5:45 a.m.) I didn't sleep but maybe half an hour; if that even. I guess its time to see the doctor... again.

I'm so sick of doctors. I really am. I'm sick of being "sick". Going back to my cardiologist every 6 weeks sucks big time. Especially since I'm constantly changing meds. I accidentally skipped my last appointment. Jen & Dave were coming in that day and it totally slipped my mind. I haven't rescheduled the appointment. I honestly don't want to. I'm so sick of spending half our pay check on hospital/medical bills. Seriously, it gets old. So, now that I have serious sleep issues, I guess its another $25 down the tube. I don't think the short amount of sleep I get would be so bad if it weren't riddled with extremely active - never lets me get into deep sleep - dreams. It sucks. I wake up feeling like I didn't sleep at all. But what am I going to do? Sleep while the kids fend for themselves?! Hah. Then my house would be a disaster and my youngest would starve to death while the oldest gets chunky off of whatever carb-loaded food she could find. Nope, I have to get up when Paul leaves for work. Its just life.

Ugh. I've been complaining this entire entry. *Sigh* Lack of good sleep makes me cranky. The fact that I know that I will have no interest in waking up in a little over 3 hours doesn't help - yep 3... it is after 1 a.m. Paul is going to kill me. I really should be asleep right now. I would take something but I'm so afraid of getting addicted or dependent on drugs - regardless of their purpose.

Okay. I really need to go to sleep. I'm not even making sense here. I just want to be a normal person who holds normal hours = like a banker. Can't I just wake up at 6 a.m. bright eyed and bushy tailed and fall asleep when my head hits the pillow at 9:30 like Paul does? This just sucks!

A Heart In Turmoil - July 25, 2007
Still My Baby Girl - July 24, 2007
Aaaaggghhhh! Stessful Summer! - July 23, 2007
Jumping Through Hoops - July 20, 2007
A Vacation from Vacation - July 17, 2007