Walk By Faith

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Okay, so I may not be the most interesting read and I may not say anything that you don't already know but this diary is mainly for myself. I enjoy sharing it with others, particularly my close friends so they know what's happening in my world, but its still mainly for me. I love to type out my thoughts. Its a great break from my otherwise hectic day. And I love reading over old entries and seeing how much life has changed. So enjoy the read but try not to be too critical.

A Heart In Turmoil
July 25, 2007 - 9:48 p.m.

I'm struggling right now. I want to be able to write about my struggle but I can't for several reasons. The first is that I don't want to talk about someone who cannot defend himself on here. The second is because bringing up the subject on a public forum would open up wounds too personal to share with every stranger who frequents these blogs.

But I am struggling nonetheless. I cannot believe after six years that this is an issue. I certainly didn't think it was. I thought that I had dealt with and buried the problem long ago but I now realize that I tried to bury it without ever actually dealing with it. And so, after nearly six years, it has resurfaced as hurt and anger and for that, I am ashamed. I know that the only thing that I can do is to lay it at my Heavenly Father's feet. He is the only one that knows exactly where my heart is. He is the only One who can take away this hurt, anger and confusion that I am feeling and replace it with peace.

I have to be honest though and say that part of me just wants to contact this person and ask them "why?" But, even if I did, the answers that I would get would not help heal the wounds that have been inflicted.

...... I am sorry for being so cryptic and so negative. I just want the hurt to go away and I want so badly to understand why things happened as they did. I want to know that I was more than just a piece of meat. Right now, that is how I feel, though.

God, please help me to forgive. Please give me peace where I feel turmoil. I lay this at your feet, Father. Please help me to forgive.

Secret - August 14, 2007
Because I Haven't Updated In A While - August 13, 2007
"Phone Call" Friends - August 07, 2007
My Morning Routine - August 03, 2007
Welcome to My World - July 31, 2007