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Okay, so I may not be the most interesting read and I may not say anything that you don't already know but this diary is mainly for myself. I enjoy sharing it with others, particularly my close friends so they know what's happening in my world, but its still mainly for me. I love to type out my thoughts. Its a great break from my otherwise hectic day. And I love reading over old entries and seeing how much life has changed. So enjoy the read but try not to be too critical.

Five Weeks and Counting
August 21, 2007 - 1:41 p.m.

When you first beginning trying for a baby, the only thing on your mind (once you've discussed the financial aspect, etc.) is getting that BFP. At least, that was my case. We'd prayed about if for a year before we even started trying. We have been trying for the past eight months. Each month, around the time that AF was due, I'd start checking everything for signs of possible pregnancy. When I finally got that BFP on Monday, I could have fallen out of my seat with excitement. I was so giddy that I jumped around the house like a 5 year old that was just told they could have a pony.

However, as the days have drug on (and they have certainly been dragging), my excitement has slowly turned to anxiety. I have to admit that miscarriage is a big fear of mine. Every cramp, every "lost symptom" sends me running to the bathroom for the tell-tale sign of impending m/c. We had a terrible experience in 2004 when my body did not want to admit that the baby did not make it (at 11 weeks) and I ended up in the hospital for emergency surgery because I was losing so much blood from the missed m/c (as they call it). I do not want to have to experience that again. I have to constantly remind myself that this baby is in God's hands and that what will be, will be. My worrying will only make things so much worse for me, I know that. Its just hard sometimes not to. One thing I have learned, though, is to avoid all the message boards and PG books for the first trimester as they only seem to make things worse. Every time I read on a thread of someone miscarrying or having disheartening symptoms like bleeding, it sends me into an unnecessary panic. I am thankful for a husband who prays daily for the health of both his wife and his unborn baby. God has given me peace each time I have prayed for it. I just need to remember to keep this baby in His hands. Please pray for both me and our little Jelly Bean that we will have a happy & healthy (and uneventful) eight months.

Eight more months... Well, give or take. I am now in my fifth week of pregnancy. Still a long ways to go. I am SUPER tired all of the time which is a good thing and a bad thing. Its a good thing because it shows me that my body is working to make a healthy little one but it is a little frustrating because it nearly renders me useless for my daily duties. I basically drag myself around like a zombie, able to take care of the basics and nothing more. I am so thankful that God has blessed me with a hubby who doesn't mind picking up the slack (for now). My house is a disaster but hopefully my energy will return soon enough so that I can fix that because the mess is driving me crazy.

As well as the usual symptoms of nausea, sore boobs and exhaustion, I've added a new symptom to my list. Weight-loss. I have lost over 5 pounds in the past week because eating has been reduced to small things like a cup of pees and apple sauce. I am only able to eat little bits here and there and nothing greasy or anything like that. I take my prenatal vitamins to help make up for the lack of nutrients and I push the fluids as much as I can (drinking too much at once makes me feel ill). Lightheadedness is another new symptom as I did not have obvious heart issues with my previous pregnancies. I will be going in next week to see my Cardiologist to see if we can get handle on that.

So, other than that and the severe weepiness that I have been experiencing (Paul laughed yesterday and told me that he wished he had a video camera because some of my crying bouts are "really cute"). Here's hoping that the next several weeks fly by so that I can start feeling better and enjoying the pregnancy. :) I do have one thing to look forward to this trimester - the first visit with my OB on the 21st of Sept. We will have our first ultrasound to verify the dates of the pregnancy and to see/hear the heartbeat. I really look forward to that. For now though, I am going to take a nap as I am super sleepy.

Stupid Science - October 08, 2007
Autumn Changes - October 01, 2007
My Little Jelly Bean - September 21, 2007
Here We Go :) - September 17, 2007
Blech - September 10, 2007

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